I’ve already written about how I lapsed from fit back to flab, so I won’t go over what I wrote already. I’ve also written about how I suffer from mixed depression and anxiety disorder, and I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately about others who have also suffered from these diseases. Our “down” periods can last from weeks to months; some people gain tremendous amounts of weight, while others lose it; some people have “up” periods amongst their down periods, and others don’t. I’m lucky enough to be one of the people who has “up” periods, but I’m also unlucky in that I’m a weight-gainer, not a weight-loser! I’ll be the first to admit that I cannot attribute all my weight gain to depression. Some if it was due to other life events (relationship issues, mostly), and some was due to general laziness and apathy. I know my therapist said the laziness and apathy can be attributed to depression, but it’s so hard for people on the “outside” to believe that. To family and friends, it might look and/or seem like I didn’t care about my appearance, which was true, but as those suffering know…it’s not all our fault.
I have a friend who is also going through this journey, and as someone who is just starting to get back into the game again, I’m glad to have her to occasionally bounce ideas, etc. off of. I already have a gym membership, and am working up to getting back to the point I was before (gym 4 times a week, including group classes, cardio and weights). For now, I’m mostly doing the treadmill to get my stamina back up; soon, I plan to start lifting light weights. I’m a bit self-conscious, but as long as good music is pounding away in my ears, I tone out to what’s going in around me. Arnold Schwarzenegger could be bench-pressing 500lbs beside me, and I wouldn’t notice!
I’m also looking at Weight Watchers for the group-support aspect. I used to have a personal trainer, and that was great, because I had someone to answer to. However, that’s quite expensive, so I thought WW would be a viable alternative. I used to be terrible at reaching out for help, for turning outwards from inside my shell, but I’m getting much better at it. Plus, it’s very encouraging to be surrounded by those who are going through the same thing, because they understand your struggles. I haven’t joined yet, so I will update the situation as it progresses 🙂
Looking towards the future…that’s my goal. I tend to live in the past, but I’ve decided that I can’t do that any more. I’m going to make myself a better person, and ensure that I’ll live a long and healthy life. I’m doing this for ME, and no one else!