Depression/Mental Health, Life in general, Random


I’ve written before on here about my struggles with mental illness. I use the word “struggle” because it took me, oh, 27 years to realize that I suffered from depression/anxiety, and a further 2 years to find a medicine that works for me. I know that drugs affect different people very differently, but let me tell you: Effexor is BAD. Very bad. So bad that my anxiety would INCREASE and I’d worry about missing a pill due to the side effects! For me, the worst was the disturbing dreams. If I missed just ONE pill, oh boy…I’d wake up scared. The medicine I’m on now (generic Prozac) is MUCH better πŸ™‚

Which brings me to the inspiration for this post: the dream I had the night before last. I can’t remember every detail, but I do remember this: I met someone, and the relationship evolved over time. None of this “I’m cute, you’re cute, let’s hook up”. We first saw each other at an event of some kind, and I said to a friend at one point “I knew the first time I saw him that he was the one for me”. He was a kind person, and said nice things to me. I just remember waking up and feeling happier than I have in a long, long time.

(For those of you who are wondering- my dream guy bore a striking resemblance to Ty Burrell of “Modern Family” fame. I think he’s very attractive, but what draws him to me most is his sense of humor, hard-working nature and goofiness :))

Life in general

Jumping back in…

Warning: if you’ve had enough of friends/relatives/strangers going on about finding Mr/Ms. Right, then this isn’t the post for you! πŸ˜›

It isn’t something I talk a whole lot about to anyone other than close friends, but I haven’t had the best luck in the relationship arena. I’ve never accomplished anything on a strict timeline; I was 19 when I got my driver’s license, and my university degree has been a true roller coaster of up-and-down emotions and academic results. There are some things I believe in setting a firm goal for; for instance, if you read my 30 in 30 post, you’ll know that I am DETERMINED to lose 30 lbs by my 30th birthday in January. There is no one but me standing in the way of that goal!!

However, I draw the line with relationships and firm goals. I have seen what has happened with the “I want to get married by 28” and “I want to be a mom by 30″ people, and in the majority of cases things haven’t ended well. Of course, I know there are special circumstances; illness, military deployment, or any of a myriad of personal reasons why people want to accomplish something by a certain point in their life. Saying that, I get REALLY stinkin’ jealous of some people around my age who are getting married, have found Mr/Ms. Right, are having kids…they have someone to love them, to care for them and about them. Don’t get me wrong; my parents and brothers are WONDERFUL and have been, and continue to be, an enormous support to me. However, it would be really nice to have someone around to talk with, to cry with when I’m having a bad day, to watch my favorite movies and TV show with…to just be there for me when I need him.

Sooo…I’m taking the first baby step in jumping back into the wonderful world of the awkward back-and-forth tango more commonly known as “dating”; I’m admitting that I truly want to find someone, that life partner who will stick around through the bad times and the good. I don’t know what’s going to end up working for me, but I talk a lot and love meeting new people, so I’ll use that to start with and go from thereΒ  πŸ™‚Β  Barring that, there are always arranged marriages… πŸ˜€